Content
Specific entry
That's all
Hmm. Interesting beginning. What's happened..? And can you just not talk, physically, or do you feel actually unable to
phrase your thoughts? (Sorry, I just felt that was a bit unclear, what with all your talk about voices and talking.)
You go on to say how you can't eat or sleep, either. I'm assuming it's more than a frog in your throat we're talking about
here....
I really like the way you start here. It sounds very honest, very true to yourself. Especially how you say you can't
sleep... and then admit that you can, but not often. Because of admitting that small thing, the rest immediately becomes more
valid.... Sorry, I didn't phrase that at all well, but I hope you get what I mean?
"I'm itching to tear off my skin and be... unconfined? Is that the word I want?" You get the feeling of restrained
desperation, reading this, but you sound somehow confused as well... "Is that what I mean?"
The second paragraph goes on in the same manner. The third changes mood, subtly and well. What happened to make you so
bitter? Why do you no longer believe in true love? "I look out the window and wonder how 'loving' couples become such good
actors." Ouch.
The fourth paragraph changes mood again, abruptly, and then ends suddenly. This entry feels... unfinished. Unsatisfying.
The reader wants to find out more about what happened, why you're so sad, but I get the feeling that a regular reader would
already know about it all... this entry provokes questions it doesn't answer, which is never a good thing — except that
it does encourage new readers to go elsewhere and find out what the hell happened.
You write well throughout this piece, and you sound very honest. Your mood changes abruptly with every paragraph, but it's
still all done fairly well. I like it... I'm just annoyed that I never found out why or how you became so bitter about love!
And what made you feel so confined, to make you feel like you want to break out?
(27/30)
General content
Well, I'm not sure if that was intentional humor or not, but you made me laugh (ohmigod no! Shorts that expose your
legs?), so my initial impression is a good one. The second
one isn't so good. Unoriginality, my nemesis. -scowls at you-
Cult: A religion or religious sect generally considered to
be extremist or false, with its followers often living in an unconventional manner under the guidance of an authoritarian,
charismatic leader. (Dictionary.com) Ha! ;) I definitely agree on
how scary that is about the little children, though... sick, sick world we live in. And speaking of sickness, I really think
you should give up on the whole pet thang... (just kidding...
it's cute to hear about you and your pets, and you don't talk
about them enough to bore anyone).
I have the distinct feeling that you're going to be one of those diarists who unfailingly records each and every one of
their emotions etc, a reviewer's dream, but... doesn't tell their readers what on earth is provoking these emotions.
It's nice to know how you feel, honey, but some of us are at least as interested in what's making you feel that way... having
said that, I feel obliged to repeat the Standard Reviewer's Reminder: Your diary is yours. You're thus meant to be writing
for you. Blah blah blah.... But seriously, if it were just for you, you'd have it locked and you wouldn't be
getting it reviewed, would you? -thumbs nose at the other reviewers-
I enjoy your sense of humor (I mean, obviously the
computer's fault!), but I'm a little concerned about your self-image... am I the only one who sees a trend here? They're all putting down your physical appearances...
-scowls at disembodied voices- Ignore them, honey. And please, please don't cut yourself... or starve yourself... basically, just be nice to your body! -slightly worried-
Heh, and just on an encouraging note (please see the sarcasm there), no-one can tell you what's wrong because, no matter how much know-it-alls like me stuff around and act like we can read your mind, you're honestly the one who knows yourself best. In some ways. I'm sure you knew that, but I just wanted to comment.... Oh, and while we're being unhelpful, I'll mention this entry, which I hated. That's just mean... keep your arguments to yourself, hon, don't put people's email addresses up for public torment. That's not cool at all....
I couldn't read this entry, it was honestly just too hard with the lack of paragraphs. Disappointing, too, it looked promising. But I didn't want to force a headache.... A lot of your entries were, honestly, really really forgettable. I didn't bother keeping them all to link to them, there were just too many. About half of them bored me, which is never a good stat. The rest were good, and as I mentioned earlier, I love your brand of humor, but... it didn't exactly hook me. I think you need to talk about your daily activities a little more, so that the reader has some clue what's going on in your life, not just how you feel about it all....
the bad half (5/15) + the good half (10/15) + the haters (-2) = (13/30)
Layout
A link to daisydesigns, a design I haven't heard of, but the design is funky. I love the pic, boldly
proclaiming: "I refuse." And then, in smaller text: "I'm not going to be what you want me to be." The design's all nicely
color coordinated, all white and black and a dark brownish red.
The picture is of a girl, all in white, with dyed white hair and light skin, yelling angrily, wiht her arm raised
aggressively, and her lipstick exactly matching the dark red elsewhere. I am impressed indeed. The only complaint I have is,
strangely enough, the amount of links you have down the side. So many, I'm slightly overwhelmed! Try making the font size a
bit smaller, maybe? Having so many links that they extend on out of sight, is never a good look.
(18/20)
Spelling/grammar
Learn apostrophes. Please. And it's psychologist, not "phsycologist," but that's a tricky one, so I'll pass on that.
"Shourder" confused me. How the hell did you mix the R and the L up? They're not even on the same side of the damn keyboard! Otherwise, it's all good....
(8/10)
Definitely
No "definitely" anywhere in any way, shape or form. Wise girl. Steer clear of that word. It's cost many a diarist their otherwise perfect spelling/grammar score... -nods knowledgeably-
(5/5)
Technical
No errors that I saw.
(5/5)
Contact
Blah, blah, classic three.
Last words
Five extra points for linking us as "Tell it like it is" -smiles- I'm aware that this is probably going to be one of your more negative reviews to date. Just keep in mind that you are a good writer, in general. Maybe try not forcing yourself to write every day... then when you do, it'll be quality shit. And try writing a little more about events, not only your reactions to the events....
(76/100)
earlier ←o→ later
